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Upgrades: Week 2

Upgrades: Week 2

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

George Bernard a Shaw Nobel Prize in Literature in 1925

Review – When following God’s design for Marriage it is important to note:

  • A personal relationship with Jesus is key to a lasting relationship.
  • Spiritual Growth is not a competition – I am more spiritual than you.
  • As we humble ourselves and serve as Jesus does He draws us closer to each other.
  • It becomes a “Race to the Bottom.”
  • The Upgrade Sermon Series will be taking on the top three reasons that are given for Marital Breakdown in our world today: Communication, Intimacy, and Disagreement Over Finances

Communication problems are the number one reason couples split up, with 65% of couples citing this issue as the primary cause of divorce, according to a 2013 survey. But it’s not only romantic relationships that are affected by communication issues—they are often at the root of conflicts in our everyday lives. (goodtherapy.org)1

Every couple can improve their communication by clearing two roadblocks to communicating with God.

1 Peter 3:8 ESV

The Roadblock of Ignorance – Husbands live with your wives in an understanding way.

To Understand is from the Greek Word ginṓskō – properly, to know, especially through personal experience (first-hand acquaintance).

His part

James 1:19&20 – Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

  • Study your wife like an Ethnographer. The science of studying culture as a participant observer. Limitless Discoveries await you.
    • Be Curious – Ask open ended Questions.
    • Pay Attention to what she says and what she does.
    • Remember what you learned

Her part

1 Peter 3:1 – Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

  • Help Your Husband Succeed
    • Cooperate – When he attempts to communicate, have reasonable expectations.
    • Resist one liners or witty comeback that are hurtful – Shame and disrespect are part of this roadblock

The Roadblock of Dishonor – Husbands show honor to their wives.

Showing Honor is from the Greek Word tee-may – Valuing something that is very costly.

His part

Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

  • Mindful that your wife is God’s daughter.
  • Appreciating the price that was paid for her.
  • Treating her as a God’s prized possession, consistently.

Her part

1 Peter 3:4 – But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

  • Ask for God’s help to forgive your husband’s past mistakes.
  • Cooperate with his attempts to honor you.
  • Pursue the inner beauty that God desires for you.

The End Goal

1 Peter 3:8&9

Three Ways to Start Praying Together: (If you are new to this.)

  1. Husbands, please accept the Apostle Peter’s words. Initiate prayer with your wife even if this is embarrassing and awkward. Don’t wait until everything is comfortable. You and your wife may need to pray in spite of tensions that you feel between each other. God, her Father, wants you to do this.
  2. Families are constantly on the move; however, even three minutes before you rush out the door to work, or before you go to bed is a win for praying together. Remember, a little bit regularly is better than a lot rarely.
  3. Focus on God when you begin your prayers. Praise him for who He is, His power, His grace, His Everlasting Love. If this is all that you do, it is a win. Petitions and requests can come later as you both grow in this discipline.

Our Prayer For You: Heavenly Father,

The resistance that our men feel about praying with and for their wives is real. Please help the husbands that are hesitant to pray with their wives to be encouraged, even courageous. Lord, please bless your daughters with a willingness to try. Please by your Holy Spirit give them appreciation for their husbands’ efforts, and a heart of cooperation with his initiative. Please help us know that you are pleased when we pray together. Help us all to defeat laziness, excuses, and even attitudes that resist as we move to pray together with our mates.

In Jesus Name We Pray – AMEN


For Small Group Discussion:

Opening Activity: Play a game of telephone, or answer this question: What is the funniest miscommunication you have experienced?

Main Point: God’s Word is filled with important guidelines for communicating with anyone, and those principles help us walk through tough times and help us speak truth and life in our closest relationships.

Read/Tell the Story: Genesis 11:1-9 (Tower of Babel)



  • What happened to the people after their language was confused? What can we learn about the power of unity from this story?
  • In this story the people were working together towards the wrong goal. How can effective communication help you work towards the right goal?
  • How do men and women communicate differently?

Heart –

  • Who in your life has been a good listener? How do you know when someone is really listening to you?
  • When was a difficult time in which you were misunderstood? When in your life have you not been listened to?
  • What makes you resist communicating with someone?
  • What effects has modern technology had on our communication?


  • What tools do you use to help with communication? (see our tips and resources for help)
  • What is a hard conversation you have been putting off which would benefit the other person?

Supporting Scripture: 1 Peter 3:7-12, Proverbs 18:2, James 1:19-20

For all resources go to: https://realliferesources.org/current-series/upgrades/