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Upgrades: Week 2

Upgrades: Week 2


Review: We are addressing the home sphere and how we can improve our marriages through God’s design and not the patterns of the world.

● Cultural Marriage

● Legal Marriage

● Biblical Marriage

God’s design for marriage is meant to be a blessing and privilege. We have been given a mission that goes back to the garden, to have godly offspring, expand the kingdom and glorify God through the way we love one another.

If you apply these three principles, you will communicate better with your spouse and others.

1. Abiding in Christ is essential for Biblical communication

John 15:5 (NIV) “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

● Without spending time with Jesus, you will not communicate the heart and humility of Jesus.
● God’s Word and Spirit provides the foundation to communicate the heart of God.

Matthew 7:24-27 (NIV) “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

● If we want to thrive in our marriages and other relationships we need to apply biblical truth.

2. Biblical communication means listening to understand

Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

James 1:19 (NIV) My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

● Listening is central to communication.

1 Peter 3:7 (NIV) Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

● Considerate –

● Respect –

● Hinder –

Proverbs 12:18 (NIV) The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

● Listening to understand requires the fruit of the Spirit.

3. Biblical Communication and Prayer go hand in hand

● Prayer is core to God’s blueprint for relationship. Jesus depended on it and modeled it with the Father.

Luke 5:16 (NIV) But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed

● Pray continually for your spouse with thanksgiving.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV) Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

● Pray a blessing over each other.

1 Philippians 1:9-10 (NIV) And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10 so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,

● Pray the armor of God over each other.

Ephesians 6:11-12 (NIV) Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

● Pray in the midst of a discussion – ‘Let’s pray about this.’

Abiding, listening to understand and prayer will help you become better at communication.

For Small Group Discussion:
Read/Tell the Story: Genesis 11:1-9 (Tower of Babel); Supporting Scripture: 1 Peter 3:7-12, Proverbs 18:2, James 1:19-20
1. What happened to the people after their language was confused? What can we learn about the power of unity from this story?
2. In this story the people were working together towards the wrong goal. How can effective communication help you work towards the right goal?
3. How do men and women communicate differently?
4. Who in your life has been a good listener? How do you know when someone is really listening to you?
5. When was a difficult time in which you were misunderstood? When in your life have you not been listened to?
6. What makes you resist communicating with someone?
7. What effects has modern technology had on our communication?
8. What tools do you use to help with communication? (see our tips and resources for help)
9. If married, ask your spouse to honestly share how well you communicate in your marriage. Be humble about their feedback, seeking to improve for the sake of your marriage; rather than be defensive.
10. What is a hard conversation you have been putting off which would benefit the other person?
11. How will you apply the habits above to your marriage or significant relationships?
12. What steps will you take to become a better communicator in all of your relationships?

Tips and Resources:
● www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/6-tools-for-healthy-communication-in-marriage/
● www.reallifeministries.com/lgresources Leadership Resource Guide (pg.16) Listening skills
● For Couples – The Joy Switch by Chris M. Coursey