REVIEW: Christ is the cornerstone, the foundation for our marriages, our families, and our closest relationships.

• Becoming one in marriage creates the load bearing walls for safety and thriving, healthy relationships in our homes.

1. GOD’S                  FOR ONENESS IN MARRIAGE:

Genesis 2:18-23 (NLT) 18Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ¹⁹So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. ²⁰He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. ²¹So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. ²²Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. ²³“At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’”²⁴This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

• Adam was incomplete, and God designed Eve to be “just right”—a helper to complement him.
• The rib: an area of protection, near the heart, part of Adam; not of lesser value than Adam.

Genesis 1:27 (NLT) So God created people in His own image; God patterned them after Himself; male and female he created them.

• God created man and woman with equal value and importance.
• Like our Trinitarian God (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) where each are equal with different roles, the same is true for man and woman.

Genesis 2:24 (NLT) This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

• God’s design is complementary, such that when we marry, 1 man & 1 woman, we become “one flesh.”

2. HOW TO CREATE                                       IN MARRIAGE:

THE WALL OF TRUST

• Starts with trusting God. (See Proverbs 3:5)
• Build a safe place to share fears, hurts, and joys
• We are truthful; we act on what we say.

THE WALL OF WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING

James 3:17 (NIV) But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

• Listen to understand, seeking peace.
• Consider others’ thoughts, opinions, and perspectives.
• Seeking Jesus and applying His truth in our relationships at home is vital for oneness.

Proverbs 24:3-4 (NLT) 3A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense. 4Through knowledge its rooms are filled with all sorts of precious riches and valuables.

THE WALL OF INTIMACY, TRANSPARENCY, AND VULNERABILITY

• Intimacy lets down your guard and goes to the heart level.
• All three are promoted through kindness, gentleness, and emotional connection.
• Praying together promotes vulnerability and intimacy.

THE WALL OF COMPLEMENTING ROLES

Servant Leader: Mark 10:45 says Jesus came “to serve, and to give His life…”

• Requires putting yourself under God’s authority.
• Stand up for her in front of kids, extended family, and friends.
• Seek her input on decisions, use her gifts, facilitate discussion for unity, and make decisions together.
• In the end, by God’s design, men carry the greatest responsibility for leadership.

Helper: Genesis 2:18 says God made “a helper suitable for him…”

• Recognize the great value of complementing vs. the destruction of competing

Submission: to place yourself under, according to a certain order; hupotasso1 in the Greek

3. CHALLENGES TO ONENESS AND HOW TO OVERCOME THEM IN OUR JOURNEY:

Expectations: Consider your spouse’s model growing up. They may be learning new skills. What are yours?

Busy-ness: Demands on time, schedules, resources, and emotional energy create STRESS!

• Stress is an intimacy killer.
• There’s no “quality time” without “quantity.” Be honest in your assessment of the stress level on your marriage and family.

Child-centered marriage: When marriage takes back seat to children’s activities and demands, intimacy will suffer, if not disappear. Distance will occur, and relational connection diminishes.

• Teach children to wait and don’t allow constant interruptions.

Technology and Media: Cell phones, tablets, video games, TV, etc. are relationship killers and “oneness” destroyers.

• To offset, have electronic-free zones and hours in your home. NO TV or electronics at the dinner table.
• Have an “electronics basket” before every meal.

NEXT STEPS?

• Commit to talking through these notes with your spouse, your kids, your family. Be gently honest with each other about where you think things are now, relationally. What is the “state” of your “building”?
• Be honest but with an attitude of encouragement and hope. Rome was not built in a day, and none of us have the perfect marriage, the perfect family, etc. But God has provided us with every resource needed to have healthy, fulfilling families. We just need to commit to doing things HIS way, and not the world’s way.
• Agree to a plan of what needs to be adjusted and where some shifting in priorities is needed.

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