Expectations and Communication

THIS WEEK – HOME WRECKERS: WRONG EXPECTATIONS & POOR COMMUNICATIONS

GOAL: REPLACE what WRECKS with what CONNECTS

The WRONG EXPECTATIONS of POOR COMMUNICATIONS
• The right expectations are biblical expectations, not preferential expectations.
• Having biblical expectations means having them for others and for yourself.

Matthew 7:3-5 (NIV) – “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

1. I don’t need to communicate this- making assumptions
a. In the absence of information (communication) we naturally assume the worst
b. The devil loves to fill in the gaps
i. They already know
ii. We’ve already discussed this
iii. This is not that big of deal

2. Communication is and should be easy
a. We communicate the same way
i. Right now vs. Right now
b. I should only need to say it once!

Ephesians 4:2-3 (NIV) – With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) – Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

c. It doesn’t matter how I say what I say
Psalm 19:14 (NIV) – May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Proverbs 12:18 (NIV) – The words of the wreck-less pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) – A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
Proverbs 18:21 (NIV) – The tongue has the power of life and death and those who love it will eat its fruit.

3. Effective communication has occurred
“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw
a. We’re in agreement
i. Low buy-in head nod
ii. Silence is not agreement
b. They heard me
i. Listening vs. Hearing
ii. Undivided Attention

Psalm 18:21 (NIV) – Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish
Proverbs 18:2 (NIV) – Fools find no pleasure in understanding, but delight in airing their own opinions.

4. What I say matters more than what I do
“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
a. I said I’m find
b. God is OK with me worshiping him when I refuse to reconcile with another
Matthew 5:21-24 (NIV)

QUESTIONS TO REFLECT AND DISCUSS:
Passages to consider: James 1:19; Ephesians 4:29; Psalm 141:3; Proverbs 16:24; Colossians 3:12-17
Icebreaker: Have you ever discovered a word or phrase that has a completely different meaning than you thought? OR Play a quick round of MadGab, Pictionary, or Charades.
How did the sermon challenge you this week?

Questions:
1. Read James 1:19-20; 3:3-12; Psalm 141:3. What do these passages show about communication? A)What challenges do you personally hear in these passages?
2. When you communicate what is your goal? (such as – to be heard or to understand the other person) A)How do you know if you have understood what someone meant?
3. What can be challenges to communicating well? A)What can be helpful to clear and kind communication?
4. Look at Matthew 7:3-5 & 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. How can these passages give guidance when we have unmet expectations or miscommunication?
5. How can you be more aware of your communication or expectations in your closest relationships? A)What skills or help do you need to fight for relationship well at this point in your life?
6. Challenge: Ask a family member or a close friend: What helps you feel heard or understood? What can I do to be a better communicator with you? Or Have a conversation about the kinds of expectations you have for one another.