FIRST, DEFINE TERMS—GUILT VERSUS SHAME:

• If we are going to talk about shame, we must distinguish shame from guilt.
• Guilt is a God-given emotion that keeps us from doing what we shouldn’t and tells us we are wrong when we do do what we shouldn’t.

Guilt has two meanings:

• There is the state of being guilty of some offense or sin, legally. “The jury will determine a person’s guilt.”
• And there is the emotion we feel when we know we’ve done something wrong. “He was wracked with guilt over what he had done.”
• All of us experience the feeling of guilt… except sociopaths.
• False guilt also exists; our conscious can be incorrect. We may have been taught that something was wrong even though it isn’t, or we might not feel bad about something when we should.
• Guilt is designed by God to move us toward Him. When we have sinned, we are supposed to turn to the One who can forgive us.
• Guilt can cause us to feel ashamed of what we have done, and we should.

The difference between guilt and shame:

• Guilt and shame, defined correctly, says, “I have done something wrong, and I should be ashamed of what I have done.”
• Shame says, “I feel guilty and ashamed of who I am. I am shameful.”
  • This kind of shame leads to a designation or status of, “I can’t change.”
  • This leads me to condemnation, a state of being condemned, being judged already and just awaiting the final consequences.
  • “I am no good and cannot be helped.” “I will hide it so no one can see.” These lead to isolation, no hope, and thoughts of ending one’s life.
• “Shame drains us of energy and withers our desire to exist. Like other emotions of flight (fear and despair), shame is a withdrawal from engagement. Its typical posture is eyes downcast, shoulders slumped, heart disengaged.” 1
• Shame is a flight from intimacy. It is one of our deepest fears: We will be isolated and mocked forever. It is a taste of hell—the experience of being caught without defense or cover and condemned to unrelenting humiliation.
• Most of us seek to escape from shame by spending our energy insulating ourselves from anything or anyone that might provoke exposure.
• Satan wants us to believe we are not worth the skin we live in, and then he wants us to isolate ourselves from anyone or anything that might speak the truth of God into our life.
• “To have shame as an identity is to believe that one’s being is flawed, that one is defective as a human being.”2

JESUS CAME TO THOSE WHO FELT GUILT AND SHAME IN ORDER TO SAY:

• To everyone: “I want to forgive you no matter what you have done.”
• To those who believe: “Remember, you have a new identity.”
• “I see you, and I know you. I love you, and I will forgive you. I will make a new creature out of you.”
• “If you will come to the one who has come for you… you will remember your sin and shame, but you will know that you are forgiven.”

YOU ARE A MASTERPIECE CREATED ANEW, WITH A NEW IDENTITY.

1 Corinthians 6:9–11 (NIV) 9Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

WE ARE NOT CONDEMNED, BUT JESUS PAID THE PRICE FOR US.

Romans 8:1–4 (NIV) 1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, 4in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

PAUL REMEMBERED HIS PAST (HE HAS A TERRIBLE ONE), BUT HE WAS SAVED.

1 Timothy 1:12-15 (NLT) 12I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him, 13even though I used to blaspheme the name of Christ. In my insolence, I persecuted his people. But God had mercy on me because I did it in ignorance and unbelief. 14Oh, how generous and gracious our Lord was! He filled me with the faith and love that come from Christ Jesus.15This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners” – and I am the worst of them all.

• • He didn’t deny his guilt. He documented it.
  • You actually are guilty, but you are not condemned.
  • You and I are guilty, but our price has been paid, and we are valuable and can have hope.
  • God says, “When I see you… I don’t see that (sin).”
  • You see, guilt says, “I’ve done horrible things and there is nothing I can do to make restitution by myself. I need a redeemer.”
  • Don’t let your guilt turn to shame. Don’t believe the lie that you are your sin.
  • Shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide eating disorders. Guilt dealt with rightly leads to breaking addiction and creates life change.

WHAT DO WE DO? TAKE CAPTIVE EVERY THOUGHT.

FOUR IMPLICATIONS OF THE NEW COVENANT RELATIONSHIP:

1. You forfeit the right to condemn yourself because you are not yours to condemn.

2. Your guilt will remind you, but it will not define you. As someone who stands in a pulpit and tells people what they should and shouldn’t do, the guilt of my past is often staggering.

3. You forfeit the right to condemn others because that would make you a hypocrite.

• • The more judgmental you are, the less aware you are of your own sin.
  • This was me when I was young!

4. You are free to make restitution without expectations or restitution.

• • Not taking ownership for our sin “because we are forgiven” is not Christianity.
  • As Christians, we make restitution.
  • Is somebody waiting for you to make the first move so that it can unlock the vault of bitterness in them?

QUESTIONS TO REFLECT AND DISCUSS:

Passages to consider: Romans 8:1-4; Proverbs 4:23; Philippians 3:12-4:1

• What stood out to you from the sermon?

1. How did you become aware of some of the “bosses” in your life?

2. Read Romans 8:1-4 and Proverbs 4:23 OR choose a passage from the sermon. Read it twice. A) What do you discover about God in this passage? A) What do you discover about people in this? B) What do you discover about what can be the boss of you?

3. How would you explain the difference between guilt and condemnation to a grade-schooler?

4. What has been your experience with guilt or condemnation being a boss of you? A) How do you recognize their voices and presence in your thinking?

5. What role does confession have in your relationship with God? What helps you practice that regularly?

6. How do you experience forgiveness? A) How do you express forgiveness in your relationships? Think about family, friends, fellow Christ-followers, neighbors, and co-workers.