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You’re Not The Boss of Me: Week 4

You’re Not The Boss of Me: Week 4


  • It’s a God-given emotion intended to help us solve problems and protect us from danger.
  • Anger has both a righteous and an unrighteous side.
  • Anger is a secondary emotion, often triggered by emotions such as fear, pride, shame, hurt, and insecurity.

Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV) 26“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold.

We all experience anger. How we express it and what we do with it are what is important.

2. ANGER IS ___________________ IN A VARIETY OF WAYS.

OPEN AGGRESSION: explosive, rage, and intimidation

Proverbs 14:17 (NIV) A quick-tempered person does foolish things, and the one who devises evil schemes is hated.

Proverbs 29:11 (NIV) Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.

Proverbs 29:22 (NLT) An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin. o Open aggression pursues “my wants” at the expense and sometimes the harm of others. o We use our anger to control our world because we often fear an outcome we don’t want.

PASSIVE AGGRESSION: express anger or angry feelings in a covert way

Leviticus 19:17 (NLT) Do not nurse hatred in your heart for any of your relatives. Confront people directly so you will not be held guilty for their sin.

    • Passive aggression requires no personal vulnerability which is unhealthy to relationships.
    • One often manipulates through silence, pouting or sulking, knowing it hurts others.

ASSERTIVE ANGER: Direct and honest communication while maintaining respect and consideration for others—not pushy as some think, yet firm.

Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

    • There are times when anger is appropriate to express out of personal concerns and convictions, yet it still keeps the door open for ongoing, healthy relationship.

Nehemiah 5:6-7 (NLT) 6When I heard their outcry and these charges, I was very angry. 7I pondered them in my mind and then accused the nobles and officials. I told them, “You are charging your own people interest!” So I called together a large meeting to deal with them

    • He took time to ponder, understand, think, reflect, and come up with a resolution.

James 1:19–20 (NIV) 19My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

James 3:17 -18 (NIV) 17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

3. WHY DO WE ______________ WITH ANGER?

  • We are broken, and our sin nature gets in the way. It wants to satisfy our own desires.

Hebrews 12:14-15 (NIV) 14Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

4. ________________ THE ANGER CYCLE:

James 4:7-10 (NLT) 7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. … 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

  • Put yourself under God; humble yourself!
  • Why am I feeling the way that I am? What’s going on inside me? Am I being selfish?
  • What am I feeling below the waterline? What am I believing right now?
  • What is my motivation to act—to punish or to restore?
  • Do I need to go for a walk, get exercise, de-escalate myself? In our limbic system, when there’s a threat, adrenalin hits, and we have to have trained responses. Rewire your brain by telling yourself the truth.
  • Get help, support, and accountability without gossiping.


  • Humbly ask for what you want.
  • Don’t assume people know what you want.
  • Lovingly hold people accountable for their actions.
  • Establish clear boundaries in your relationships.
  • Communicate your intentions clearly and with respect.



Passages to consider: Proverbs 29:11; James 1:19-21; Ephesians 4:26-27,31-32; Exodus 34:6,7

  • What stood out to you from the sermon?

1. How did you become aware of some of the “bosses”in your life?

2. Read Exodus 34:6,7 and James 119-21 OR choose a passage from the sermon. Read it twice. A) What do you discover about God in this passage? A) What do you discover about people in this? B) What do you discover about what can be the boss of you?

3. Talk about the idea of anger being a secondary emotion or the tip of an iceberg. A) What helps or could help you slow down, pause, and discern what is going on?

4. When you are angry, what kind of reaction or pathway do you follow? A) How does anger impact different parts of your world—family, fellow believers, work place, neighborhood, social media presence?

5. How do you deal with others when they are angry?

6. What has God been showing you about anger or the emotions that can be the boss of you?

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