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Upgrades: Week 4

Upgrades: Week 4


  • Marriage Series: Upgrade — not about getting a new spouse but about getting God’s perspective
  • Our enemy is seeking to down-grade our view and experience in marriage
  • This series applies to all of us, whether married or single
    • Week 1 – God’s design for marriage – a partnership with a purpose
    • Week 2-3 – Common challenges: Communication and Finances
    • Week 4-5 – This week, Intimacy; Next week – Parenting


  • Today – we’re talking about … Intimacy in marriage
  • Marital intimacy is about oneness and it takes work
  • We’re all coming at this topic from different backgrounds and experiences
  • We’re going to honor each other as we seek God’s perspective

1. Intimacy in marriage is about being ONE

Genesis 2:24-25 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 25Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame. NLT

  • Intimacy is about fully knowing someone and being fully known and yet still loved and accepted
  • This is the biblical idea of oneness (Matt 19:4-6)

2. Maintaining Oneness in marriage takes WORK

Ephesian 5:21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. NLT

  • We are able to come together with a heart to serve and yield to each other because of our relationship with Jesus – this is FIRST and FOREMOST the key to an intimate marriage

3. The physical side of Intimacy

1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. NLT

  • The physical side of intimacy in a marriage is designed and expected by God.
  • The physical side of marriage is tied to our spiritual relationship with God and each other.
  • This is not a neutral aspect of our marriages. So easily under attack by the enemy.

4. Common difficulties in Intimacy

1 Thess 4:3 God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. NLT

  • Sexual sin is the most common factor in divorce – driving a wedge in oneness
  • Unmet and/or unspoken expectations creates tension and distance unless addressed
  • Expecting the physical side of the relationship to be the only form of intimacy

5. The Good News

Psalm 103:2-5 Let all that I am praise the LORD; may I never forget the good things he does for me. 3 He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. 4 He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. 5 He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s! NLT

  • When things in life don’t go how we would hope, we need to remind ourselves of who we are in light of who HE is: “He does good things for me; He forgives; He heals; He redeems; He crowns me”
  • This does not mean there is no pain or difficulty, but because of our relationship with God, we can rise above our challenges like an eagle rises above the storms.

Resources: https://realliferesources.org/current-series/upgrades/

The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim & Beverly LaHaye- book

God’s Design for Sex Series, 4 Books: Revised and Updated Edition By: Stan Jones, Brenna Jones

Discovering The Mind Of A Woman: The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistible Husband by Ken Nair

Practical Next Steps

  1. Come to Jesus for hope and healing
  2. Commit to working on Oneness in your marriage
  3. If sin is corrupting your oneness, get help

For Small Group Discussion: What was your takeaway from this week’s message? How have love and intimacy been confused in our culture?

Opening Question: Who in this group would you say is… Patient? Kind? Humble? Selfless?

Main Point: The sermon this week was on intimacy. In group this week, let’s focus on love. God’s design for each of us is to have biblical, loving relationships with Him and others.

Read/Tell the Story: 1 Corinthians 13


Head –

  • How important is love according to this passage?
  • What is a marriage you have witnessed that models godly love?
  • When has someone been patient with you?

Heart –

  • How do you live with others in an understanding way?
  • Which of the descriptors of love is most important to you?
  • Verse 7 says love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things; which of those four is easiest for you? Which one is most difficult?
  • When has love been difficult for you?

Hands –

  • What childish ways do you still need to put behind you?
  • Who will you release from a record of wrong that you have kept?
  • What needs to change in your view of love or intimacy (physical/emotional/spiritual) for you to see it as a gift?

Supporting Scripture: Philippians 2:3-4, 1 Peter 3:8, Ephesians 4:1-3, John 13:34-35

Tips and Resources: Consider getting involved in our Pure Desire Ministry.

– Holy Sexuality by Christopher Yuan- Mama Bear Apologetics Guide to Sexuality by Hillary Morgan Ferrer