Expectations and Communication

Preview
• Home Wrecker #2 – Misaligned Expectations and Poor Communication
We are so diverse and different, by God’s creative design – How we process information; Personality types; Love & Apology languages; Family of origin mindsets; Preferences; Likes & dislikes, etc, etc
The Key to Defeating the Home Wrecker in each of us is through our own personal relationship with God where we learn to “throw off” our old ways of doing life and by “putting on” His new way of life. – Eph 4: 21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. NLT

Two Toxic forms of Misaligned Expectations

1 – It’s all about me! //Truth is – It’s NOT about you!

• If you’re expecting people to be like you? Think like you, process like you, argue like you, etc — you’ll be disappointed!
• We need to learn to listen, ask questions and sincerely seek understanding
o James 1: 19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. NLT
• If frustrated, slow down and ask yourself – am I only seeing this from my perspective?

2 – I can control all outcomes//Truth is – we can only do our part

1 Cor 13: 4-5 NLT – If you are getting frustrated, slow down and ask yourself – am I trying to control the outcome here?

The 5 Deadly Sins of Poor Communication

1- Shame oriented language

• With the best of intentions, we “should” all over each other
o Remedy: Seek to connect, not fix (Romans 12:15)

2- Criticism

• Attacking character instead of actions
o Remedy: Express with “I” statements and use kind words (Proverbs 16:24)

3- Defensiveness

• The Blame Game
o Remedy: Take responsibility (Proverbs 28:13)

4- Contempt

• Deep Disrespect
o Remedy: Thankfulness (1 Thess 5:18)

5- Avoidance

• Running from relationship to negative coping skills
o Remedy: Deal with your frustrations with God then seek reconciliation (Eph 4:26; Matt 5:23-24)

Response
• Break denial and acknowledge that if left unchecked by God (His Spirit, Word & people) you’re a Home Wrecker
• Throw off your old way of thinking & communicating
o Confront your expectations – submitting them to Christ
o Ask God and others for help in getting better at truly loving others by improving your ability to truly communicate in a God honoring way
• Let’s help each other build a community that thinks, looks and sounds more like Christ so others will be drawn to Him (John 13:34-35)

QUESTIONS TO REFLECT AND DISCUSS:

Ice Breaker: Have you ever discovered a word or phrase had a completely different meaning than you thought? Or play a quick round of Mad Gab, Pictionary, or Charades.
• How did the sermon challenge you this week?
1. Read James 1:19-20; 3:3-12; Psalm 141:3. What do these passages show about communication? A) What challenges do you personally hear in these passages?
2. When you communicate what is your goal? (such as – to be heard or to understand the other person) A) How do you know if you have understood what someone meant?
3. What can be challenges to communicating well? A) What can be helpful to clear and kind communication?
4. Look at Matthew 7:3-5 & 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. How can these passages give guidance when we have unmet expectations or miscommunication?
5. How can you be more aware of your communication or expectations in your closest relationships? A) What skills or help do you need to fight for relationship well at this point in your life?
6. Challenge: Ask a family member or a close friend: What helps you feel heard or understood?