Unforgiveness and Resentment
Resentment is a complex multi-layer emotion made up of anger, fear, hurt, disappointment, shame, envy and disgust.
• Resentment usually starts with some form of real or perceived hurt or envy.
1 Samuel 18:6-8 (HCSB) As the troops were coming back, when David was returning from killing the Philistine, the women came out from all the cities of Israel to meet King Saul, singing and dancing with tambourines, with shouts of joy, and with three-stringed instruments. 7 As they celebrated, the women sang: Saul has killed his thousands, but David his tens of thousands. 8 Saul was furious and resented this song. “They credited tens of thousands to David,” he complained, “but they only credited me with thousands. What more can he have but the kingdom?”
• If nurture resentment, our hurt, insecurities and pain can lead to becoming resentful.
• When we are resentful, we become bitter. When we are bitter, we harbor unforgiveness.
The antidote to resentment is forgiveness.
• Forgiveness means to lay aside, to release, to yield up. It’s to transfer to God the right and privilege of judgement. Forgiveness is not excusing, denying or minimizing someone’s offense, it’s not seeking revenge, it’s turning over to God our hurt and pain and trusting Him to work in the heart of the offender.
• God offers forgiveness to all who repent in Christ Jesus. Many reject the gift of forgiveness.
2 Corinthians 5:15 (NLT) He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.
• We can only be responsible for our choices. Choosing to forgive someone doesn’t mean that they will own their stuff or want to reconcile. If they rejected God’s offer for forgiveness, they may reject ours.
Forgiveness is a choice.
“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” Nelson Mandela
• Mandela had to repent
Repentance means we have a change of mind. We choose to think about something differently and act on that new belief.
Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
• We must rid ourselves (remove) of anger, resentment, bitterness and unforgiveness
• Forgiveness requires an act of the will
Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
• We forgive because by God’s grace we are forgiven.
Trusting Christ is a must if we are to deal with our hurt.
Psalm 62:8 (NIV) Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean our emotions keep step with our act to forgive.
• Forgiveness doesn’t make all the memories and pain go away. It is a process.
• To move forward requires us to take God’s hand.
Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
• Learning from Jesus requires us to abide in Him and release our hurts, pain and demand for justice and punishment.
Romans 12:19 (ESV) Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
• God is a God of Justice, giving people what they deserve, not what we think they deserve!
Restoring your home sphere.
Colossians 3:13 (ESV) Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive..
Hebrews 12:14-15 (NIV) Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Make every effort means:
• Go to God with your pride, own what is yours to own.
Matthew 7:5 (NIV) You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
• Make every effort means to not isolate and or go silent.
Proverbs 18:1 (ESV) Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.
• Have the right expectations on the other person.
Proverbs 17:9 (ESV) Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.
• Communicate in love and honesty.
Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
6 things to apply:
• Are you resentful towards others? What should you do?
• Have you been honest with yourself about your part?
• What thoughts do you need to take captive? 2 Corinthians 10:3-4
• If you are an offender, learn different apology languages. What does the other person need to hear?
• What steps will you take to forgive someone who has hurt you?
QUESTIONS TO REFLECT AND DISCUSS:
1. Read Psalm 103:6-12 & Luke 7:36-50. What do you see in these passages about God, people and forgiveness?
2. What helps you remember the forgiveness God has given you? What have you learned about yourself when it comes to forgiveness and unforgiveness?
3. Look at Hebrews 12:14-15 & Ephesians 4:29-32. How do you recognize when you are functioning with unforgiveness, resentment or bitterness? What have you noticed about this area in the midst of your relationships with family, close friends, co-workers, or neighbors?